


love and safety

by transfinn



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Beau is mentioned but doesn't appear, Memory Loss, amnesiac molly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-21 22:44:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14295075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transfinn/pseuds/transfinn
Summary: “My name is Mollymauk Tealeaf.” Mollymauk murmurs to himself. “I am a purple tiefling with red eyes. I have… tattoos. I have a lot of tattoos and scars. I have two scimitars. I am… I am an age, certainly.”





	love and safety

**Author's Note:**

> Widomauk discord came up with this idea and it took me way too long to write it. 
> 
> Written pre-episode 13

Mollymauk Tealeaf comes to with a blink and a pounding head.

A quick assessment of himself reveals that yes, he’s still wearing his cloak; yes, he still has all his limbs; yes, he remembers his name; yes, he has no memory beyond that; yes, he has no idea where he is.

He’s not in the... the carnival, yeah, that bright place of sound and family. He remembers that.

Swords bump against his legs as he scrambles to a standing position, hands flying to their hilts as soon as he realizes they’re there. He remembers his scimitars.

Mollymauk Tealeaf - because that’s his name and if he repeats his name enough he won’t forget it - assesses his surroundings.

It’s night just about to fade into morning. He’d been positioned against the wall of an alley that lead into a deserted street.

There’s a bandage around his left arm.

“Fuck.” Mollymauk mumbles, hands going from his blades to whatever else is on his belt.

His hands assess a pouch full of coin, various tea leaves, and… a folded piece of paper.

He pulls it out and looks at the words written on the outside.

_Molly: for when you forget again!!! From Jester, Caleb, Yasha, Fjord, Beau, and Nott_

Each of the names is written in different handwriting, with the rest of the words written in the same handwriting as the name Jester.

None of the names trigger any memories, except for Yasha, and all Mollymauk can remember of her is that she saved his life. The amount of times doesn’t come to him, but he remembers saving her life countless times too.

He shoves the paper back into his pouch. He needs to get somewhere safe before trying to assess what he has left.

The street the alley opens into is almost empty. As the sun begins to crest into morning, a few lone figures scuttle into the streets. Mollymauk lets himself join them, slipping along the edges of the streets.

“My name is Mollymauk Tealeaf.” Mollymauk murmurs to himself. “I am a purple tiefling with red eyes. I have… tattoos. I have a lot of tattoos and scars. I have two scimitars. I am… I am an age, certainly.” Gods, he can't even remember how old he is.

He lets himself autopilot, allowing his legs to take him through the unfamiliar streets and unfamiliar gateways to an unfamiliar inn.

The sun has fully risen by the time Mollymauk breezes into the inn. ‘The Leaky Tap’ was what the sign had called it, and some part of his unremembering subconscious had brought him here. Why, he had no idea.

A small table in a corner practically calls his name, and he finds himself sitting down with his back to the wall.

He pulls the sheet of paper from his pouch.

Unfolding it reveals drawings of people he doesn't remember accompanied by a variety of scrawled bullet points.

He starts with the top left of the page.

 _Yasha!!!_  
_\-- You probably remember her best._  
_\-- Disappears a lot_  
_\-- From the carnival!_  
_\-- Lots of muscles. Very attractive. (Beau stop being gay this is for Molly)_  
_\-- Your very best friend_

The drawing next to the words doesn't really trigger any of Mollymauk’s memories, but he does find comfort in the art of the strong face and piercing gaze. He feels like he definitely should know her, but he really doesn't.

 _Jester_  
_\-- Came up with the idea for this thing._  
_\-- Honest & bubbly_  
_\-- Blue_  
_\-- A fellow tiefling_  
_\-- Gods how the fuck do we describe Jester??_  
_\-- You like her_

Mollymauk brushes his fingers over the drawing. She definitely seems like someone he would be friends with, definitely seems like the type of person to stick in anyone's head after one encounter, but he just can't find anything in his empty skull.

 _Fjord_  
_\-- Big and green_  
_\-- You two are roommates!!!_  
_\-- Good at disguises_  
_\-- The best at talking!_  
_\-- You trust him the most_

The final point of every description is in handwriting that Mollymauk swears he knows, almost as though it were his own. Maybe it was his own.

The drawing of Fjord looks very handsome, and Mollymauk’s fingertips linger on his face.

 _Nott_  
_\-- Small and green!!!_  
_\-- Usually wearing a mask._  
_\-- Usually next to Caleb_  
_\-- Likes to steal._  
_\-- You want her to have morals_

Mollymauk furrows his brow at the last point. That… definitely sounds like something he would try and impart onto someone else. Morals are important, and he's not one hundred percent sure of his but he certainly knows he has them.

 _Beau_  
_\-- Your mortal enemy!!! (Jester don't lie to him)_  
_\-- Kind of an asshole_  
_\-- Gay for Yasha_  
_\-- Gay in general_  
_\-- You bicker like siblings_

A glance around the tavern shows a few more people trickling in, but none that look at him and none that look like the drawings.

 _Caleb_  
_\-- Stinky hobo wizard!!_  
_\-- He and Nott are almost always together._  
_\-- ~~Kind of~~ Really dirty_  
_\-- You love him and want him to be safe_

Caleb's drawing is the second most familiar next to Yasha. The drawing captures unconventionally handsome features, haunted eyes, and a cat winding between his legs. He looks exactly like what Mollymauk imagines his type to be.

In the bottom right corner, there's the same flowing script that was at the end of each list, each description of each person.

 _To myself: your name is Mollymauk Tealeaf, Molly to your friends. Sometimes you feel like you are more scar tissue and ink and emptiness than a person. Sometimes the smiles are more fake than real because you are struggling to feel alive with what little you have left._  
_Remember: you are a person, even on days you don't know how to be. You are alive, even on days where it doesn't feel that way. You have friends who care about you. You don't have to trust them, but you have to trust that they care about you._  
_We've been through a lot, you and I. We don't remember most of it. But I trust that you'll make it through. We always end up the same person as before._  
_-Molly_

Molly doesn't realize he's crying until a tear hits the paper.

Mollymauk Tealeaf, Molly to his friends, and he is his own friend, isn't he?

He lets his nails run over the note from his past self.

He doesn't remember writing it, doesn't remember the drawings being done, doesn't remember anything about how the paper came into his possession.

Mollymauk Tealeaf, Molly to his friends, and the people depicted in the note must be his friends.

A chair being dragged across the floor startles Molly, and he looks up into the eyes of a green-skinned half-orc with no tusks.

“Hey.” The half-orc says, his drawl sinking into Molly's brain like satin. “Shame to see you sittin’ alone.”

“You're…” Molly squints down at the paper. “Fj… uh…”

“Fjord.” He pronounces it without the ‘j’. “I guess your mind blanked out on you.”

“It happens.” Molly looks down at Fjord’s bullet points. “Is everyone else here?”

“Yeah, they're waking up.” Fjord leans over and looks down at the paper. “Is that helpful?”

“Yes.” Molly breathes. “I would feel a lot more lost without it.”

“I'm glad that you told us about the amnesia, so we could make it.” Fjord looks towards the stairs that must lead to rooms. “Do you want to go up and meet them, or wait for them all or come down, or…?

“I think I'll stay.” A smile makes its way across Molly's lips. “Unless, of course, you think it's better for me to go to them.”

“I think a good compromise is to wake them up.” Fjord begins to stand. “I'll get Yasha first.”

Molly nods, and Fjord goes up the stairs and disappears.

A large, pale woman descends the stairs less than a minute later. The drawing of Yasha captures her appearance startlingly well, and Molly can feel memories itch at the base of his skull.

“Hi.” Molly speaks first as Yasha sits across from him. He tries not to look down at the paper, tries to just remember everything about her off the top of his head.

“Hey.” Yasha's quiet voice is a contrast to her appearance. “I'm glad you found your way here.”

“Just like you.” The words spill out of Molly's mouth with no memory behind them.

Yasha nods, not questioning how he knows that with no memory other than the past few hours. “Are you scared?”

It takes Molly a moment to assess his feelings. “...No, I don't think so.” He leans back in his chair. “I know this has happened to me before. I know my name, I know I can read, and I have a lovely note from my past self telling me everything's going to be okay.” He holds of the piece of paper. “Plus, I have all of you.”

“You always end up the same person as before.” Yasha says.

“I wouldn't know.” Molly flashes a grin, and she rolls her eyes.

“Molly!!!!” A blue figure comes barreling down the stairs and practically attacks Molly with a hug. “Are you okay???”

“I’m fine, I'm fine.” Molly says. “You are Jester…?”

“Yes!!!!” She lets go of him and bounces up and down. “Did the paper help?? It was my idea.”

“It was useful for your appearances at least, and the personality descriptions have not been wrong so far.” Glancing at the paper, Molly assesses the drawing of Jester. It's really accurate.

“I did the drawings too, you know.” Jester sits down next to him and peers down at the writing. “Who are these from?” She points at the handwriting that belonged to Molly's past self. “I don't remember those.”

“They’re from myself, I think.” Molly traces the lettering. “I just can't remember writing them, that's all.”

“Is Beau coming down?” Yasha looks over her shoulder at the stairs.

“Ohh, Yasha, of course you want to know that!” Jester’s expression is halfway between a grin and something that resembles extreme teasing. “Beau is grumpy and wants to sleep.”

Yasha thinks for a moment. “Caleb and Nott?”

The expression on Jester’s face changes to one of slight apprehension. “Fjord was still going to wake them up… He was nervous about Caleb's reaction…”

Molly frowns and looks at Caleb's entry on his paper. “There's not a lot here.”

“You love him and want him to be safe.” Jester reads off the paper. “Aww, Molly, you're in love!!”

“I can't be in love with someone I don't remember.” His tone is a little bit snappier than intended, but Jester doesn't seem to notice.

“Oo, maybe when Caleb comes down, you two will run towards each other and kiss and it will be so romantic and beautiful!!!” She clasps her hands over her heart and leans back to look up at the ceiling.

“... yeah.” Molly decides to just indulge her.

Footsteps approach their table, and Molly turns his attention away from Jester towards the three figures.

Fjord’s back with his unreadable expression, and beside him is a small, green, maskless goblin and a human with eyes cast to the floor.

“Hey, uh.” A glance at the paper gives Molly their names. “Nott. Caleb.”

“Hi Molly.” Nott looks back up at Caleb as she speaks. “Are you, uh, feeling alright?”

“I mean, my head doesn't hurt, I just remember my name, how to walk, and to talk, how to read, and the last… three hours? I've got vague ideas of other stuff…” his ramble trails off.

Caleb's looking at him with a haunted expression, like he desperately wishes to be anywhere else, like Molly losing his memory was the worst thing ever.

Maybe it was, to him, but Molly wasn't very bothered. It had happened before and it would happen again. There was no use trying to fight it.

Caleb has the expression of a man who is absolutely going to fight it.

“I think you and Caleb need to have a talk.” Fjord’s eyes flick between Molly and Caleb. “We’ll sit a little ways away.”

“And we totally won't listen in.” Nott adds. She ignores the glare Caleb sends her way.

“It says I love you.” Molly holds up the sheet of paper. “It says I want to keep you safe.”

“That's true.” Caleb murmurs.

“Then I don't think we need to talk about anything.” Molly folds up the paper and returns it to his pouch. “I will love you, and I will keep you safe.”

**Author's Note:**

> >:3c


End file.
